Kai Loon - The End

Finally, i think twice and decided to broke with loon.
But i scare, i scare i can't find this kind of guy in the future again.
Dont no why..... i know loon treat me very nice. but he willing to spend his time with other girl also dont want me. He betray me he hug the girl in Macau but he hug me at night i feel like so disgusting...
Seriously i cannot accept this is the 3rd times. how many chance i should give to him? Give to the guy that not appreciate?
This is how he treat me? no answer call. and call me to get ready when he  want bring me out at last no come? and never say apologise on what he did to me?
Now he just take for granted only. Take everything from me as granted but i never owe him.
I never owe him anything  just want u appreciate me as i appreciate you.
Loyalty as how i'm loyalty to you.
But why u can't ? we on for 7 years is not a short period.
How can u tell someone that she let u feel love feeling? how can u say this to other girl.
Am i bad. maybe i do thing not right i dont no where u stay or where u go.
I also dont want to know. AS WHAT I SAY WE JUST A SEX PARTNER INSTEAD OF COUPLE.

Tired of everthing..

i very very long dint write diary.cny forst day i cryuntil like raining heavy.... my life so tough n im so tired of everything... if can i would like to end it.....  my sister run go sg.... is ok... but no message no phone... 1 or 2 month no news from her... maybe she really dun want this family d.. everytime i think im alone who facing or tge problem i really miss her.... eventhiugh she dint smsme but i really fan qian... i dun no why .... n this few day i realise my beloved bf chases girl... n i pretend dun no u know how pain am i.... he trying to delete all message n he though im silly... dun no everything... i try to solve the problem myself... really i really try it    i want take my sister responsibilty... but really hard n i very tired...... i havr to settle my bf thing n family... im so fed up...  my bf..  no moneyi ok.. i can py him.. really.. for me.. money is not a problem... i just wamt he loyelty to me... n treat me good.. but now im the want who love him. n treat him very nice.. every day.. wait him.. like silly girl.. today cny wait him until now 4am.. he promise me going to eat steamboat witg me...call me keep for him... but at the end he say after go his mum house will go back... but at the end.. u know he go where  ....  sing .. k.. im also ok... but sing until 4am without any message.. this is most sad thing... u know how silly am i... im waiting for him... keep everthing he love to eatm.. my mum call me keep it dun need wait him..  but i trust him...  i trust him..  he promise me n he will do it . but i wait until 4am.. get nothibg.. n keep all the thing again.. by myself.. or he go out with the girl until now??? hahaha... i dun no wat should i do u know.. who can teach me...    

6 more hours left

I din nervous at all... i left 2 or 3 more chap dint read but i'm still want to watch movie.. wat kind of student is this.. sometimes i feel i'm really not suit to become a student left so much? it means i dun need to slp tonight??? going to urn midnight oil again? den how abt sun?? i want dating.. i dun want go to test accounting... i want go balik pulau.. but can i??? really headache... haix.. i hope i can do it.. i'm not greedy i just want to pass... izit very hard??? haix... i really pressure... until i want to cry.............. T_T

i DECIDE to let goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..........................

i think i should let go........
when the thing is not belong to me i hold it tight also useless...
hold tight it will make me feel more tired,,,
i decided to let go... n give him stay at butterworth..
i dun no i still have future with him all not...
but i just let go n give him do wat actually he want to do....
if he want lied to me n go out with the girl den i cant do anything also...
live with me does not means he care me or i can take care him
live with me..he also come back late n din tell me at all...
come back late he will go n bath den go out again. until midnight he come back n slp..
wat the meaning he live with me.. actually is the same. maybe more worst..
cause i see him go out without telling me i more hurt..
if he go butterworth he will happier.. bcs he dint not control by me...
i know after the thing both of us have problem ..
or maybe i can say there are something in our middle..
actually live together but we dint not understand well...
so what for.. if i hold tight n dun let go. the thing will be broke..
so....................
the song say 'if he love me he wont ai mei'
i really feel absolute correct... my heart ca only keep one guy..
so if the person can keep 2 girl means u actually not important at all...
everytime i listen to the song i will cry...
the song so meaningful.. the song say i though he care me n though i'm special in his heart.. but actually he dun love me,,,,,,,
this few days cant slp well .. i think our relation become stranger.. really..
when the thing already stranger i keep care him n do wat everything our relation also wont changes to the normal want.. so wat for..
you din love me already actually i'm the one dun want accept the reality.. T_T

you tell me actually I'm dun no everything.. and wat i do u also dont no..
maybe i know.. but just dun want ask much n let it go hope u will explain n tell me... but i think i'm wrong.. u wont u turn n tell me wat going wrong..
so now i decide u go n stay your home den i stay my home.. if u want call me u call
if dun want i wont force also... i will let it be.. n see actually wat u want...........

在你的心我有多重要呢？？？

我好想看到不应该看到的东西。
我看到他跟女生写信那是后是早上5点。
可是我问他为什么没有打给我他就说忘记了。
可是回来的时候就看到那个信。那个信息是他写给女生先的。
Yesterday跟他吵架我跟他说以后不可以delete信。
他答应我了。等他回来我也不是故意看的是因为那个莫名其妙信charge钱我才会去看。
然后帮他做。过后就看到他和女生的信了。我还以为他真的那么听话没有delete。可是他应该是忘记。
过了晚上他就delete了。
我好后悔看到。因为信里面loon问他为什么不要睡。他就说要了。
可是他又说你是没有跟我睡你睡不着是吗。我看到了我心很痛。
他跟我走那么就了他还说要跟别的女生睡那是什么意识啊。
那个女的还讲他gatal。如果他没有删除我也没有那么生气因为我知道你是跟他玩的。
可是你故意删除掉。:'(:'(:-!我真的很心痛。
今年是我和你的4年anmiversary可是他好像忘记了还去到12点才到家。
晚到家忘记也没关系可是他晚回也没有说。是什么意识啊。我真的不能忍了。
到底我在你的心到底有多重要。
你做这样的东西我没有讲到什么。可是我们一起走的天你也忘记。
你last year忘记说今年一定记得。过后还是说了算
让我一个人过。我突然感觉到我好像变的没有力去。。。。。 :'(:-!:'(:'(

我好想感觉到有人代替我了。现在我做什么你也感觉到不对做什么你也感觉错。那你要我这样呢?我真的很心痛。要不然就跟我说那个不是我的工要不然叫我不要问那么多要不然叫我不要讲那么多那你当我是谁??? 你的女友朋吗??? 还是真的有人代替我了????

任贤齐-心太软

what is chap cheng actually???

can someone told me what is that.. my father scold me like this..
chap cheng means your mum make love with someone and other father and the child is chap cheng..
but my blood is same with u but u scold me chapcheng kia.. wat the fuck u trying to say,, n say me kim sui.
dad u know wat are u trying to say??? i feel blur and pain when u scold me like this..
no reason to make me accept.. i fell frustration!!!

i dun no wat u want actually.. i on with u so long d.. but now u told me i just need your money.
n tell me my hol family also money face u means i'm also the same??
u hurting me... i hope u understand me a bit dun lied me and trust me..
that it!!!! is that very over.. i just want simple relationship nia.. like this u also cant make it..
u make me dissapointed. u tell me u want reject them when there call u out yesterday promise me..
but now u go out with them.. how i going to trust u if u keep lying me..
u cal me tolerate u but who going to tolerate me.. i really tired,, and u ask me why everyday i want quarrel.
ut why u dun want ask yourself this question.. if u din make me angry i wont angry.

我知道什么叫做心碎的感觉了

我想要找回以前的你可以吗?能对我一心一以的你。
 现在你的心好想没有我的存在了。是我多心了吗?我看到了。
如果我没有看到我也不知道你变了心你的觜是说没 有可是有你也不可能说的。
你今天跟我去thailand 了。可是我shopping你就睡在车上跟我说你生病了。
可是我看你是lazy啦。是生病可是lazy比较多咯。
晚上一起去吃steamboat我叫你不 要吃辣那么多我也是关系你。
过后问你不要吃了吗?你就跟我说你不知道我生病吗你跟我走3年了你不知道吗?我不知道该说什么。那我就没有讲什么了。我就去拿 肉来吃过后你也吃了。
那你不要说你不要吃。
吃饱回要叫你跟我买衣服可是你就跟我说你不要跟我!那时候我可以跟你说我真的要哭了。
我来到这里就想要跟你拍照 跟倍我买衣服可是你两个也不能做给我。
叫你跟我拍你就问我拍什么讲到很不爽。不要跟我买衣服我也不要讲了。
回来了想要叫你去disco过回他们不要去了。 你也没有说要去啊。那我就跟我姐讲话,可是我弟弟看到你走去下面跟我说你不是生病吗?
为什么你还能去我也不知道该说什么。
为什么你要去你不要跟我说你要去 呢?你可以叫我去的。
如果不要最少你也跟我说吧。可是你走出去我也不知道。
我骂你问你为什么你不要倍我买衣服你就骂我跟我说wen啊我倍你来这里就可以了 现在我头痛为什么你不要给我睡觉。
如果你头痛那为什么你还要去disco呢?
我真的搞不懂你问我跟你走那么久了你生病我不知道吗?
可是我真的不知道你什么是生病什么时候没有的。
因为如果你真的要的话你就会说你没有生病了。
我在这里 关这eyes然后慢慢想回你跟我说的话就哭了。
跟我说我不了解你因为你一时一样。我问你你的心有谁你就跟我说-我还有电话的女人。
那时候我知道什么叫做心 碎的感觉了。
每天也在想你说的话你做的事让我很烦。
我不知道要这样做。T_T